A nemesis of mine... At work and at play.... The City of Chicago's department of Streets and Sanitation. Yesterday, my 10 minute drive down Ashland Avenue became a 25 minute exercise in self restraint and introspection. I literally experienced the five stages of death as I (and about 20 other unluckies) traveled south on Ashland Ave. from Foster to the river at Clybourn St. We all drove 15 mph behind two yahoos in their big, mean Garbage Trucks. Who has time for this? The 21 unluckies behind said rolling road block, apparently.
• Denial and isolation: "This is not happening to me."
• Anger: "My time is valuable!"
• Bargaining: "Just let me drive the speed limit and I'll be fine."
• Depression: "I can't bear to drive so slowly."
• Acceptance: "ok, what song shall I sing?"
Something upbeat, something catchy...with hope and humor... Mr. Goldstone came to mind... So I sang...
"Have an eggroll...
Mr. Goldstone....
Have a napkin, have a chopstick, have a chair.
Have a spare rib, Mr. Goldstone...
Any spare that I can spare I'll be glad to share!
Have a dish, have a fork, have a fish, have a pork.
Put your feet up. Feel at home...
Have a smoke, have a Coke.
Would you like to hear a joke? I'll have June recite a poem!
Have a leechie, Mr. Goldstone...
Tell me any little thing that I can do.
Ginger peachy, Mr. Goldstone...
Have a kumquat, have two!
Everybody give a cheer.
Santa Claus is sitting here.
Mr. Goldstone I love you!"
Music by Jule Styne
Lyrics by Stephen Sondheim
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